Home > Uncategorized > Are You Ready For Some (Hilarious) Football?!?!?!

Are You Ready For Some (Hilarious) Football?!?!?!



The UFL debuted tonight to little fanfare. I think the first game, which pitted the California Redwoods against the Las Vegas Locomotives, was broadcast over the Internet somewhere.

But I just know this league is going to be great. Not for football, but for my personal enjoyment.

Just look at the league’s catch phrase: “WHERE FUTURE STARS COME TO PLAY!”

What future is that? 2001?

But that’s the best part of the UFL: The has-been NFL players. See, with the XFL, you had a few people with previous NFL experience, but the UFL is filled with wash-ups and they ALL have a great back story.

(Just stick the word “allegedly” somewhere in each of the next few sentences)

You want people who steal teammates’ luggage? UFL has ’em!

You want running backs who run their family’s car off the road? You’ve come to the right place!

You want renegade punters? They’re here!

And NFL-suspended players? Oh, they are everywhere!!! (By the way, Koren Robinson is listed in the league directory and on his New York Sentinels’ roster as “Kansas Robinson”. There has to be a joke there)

People in Las Vegas are used to bad bets, so that must be why JP Losman is there

People in Las Vegas are used to bad bets, so that must be why JP Losman is there

But even when players aren’t involved in the law, there is still reason to smile in disbelief at who is on these teams. You’ve got a Super Bowl MVP, a three-time Pro Bowl selection, a massive first-round bust, a fantastically bad first name and the fact that the team name for the Las Vegas franchise is shortened from Locomotives and is marketed as just Locos. Yes, Tim Rattay is Loco.

Seriously, I could talk all day about this league. It’s one big laugh factory. Brooks Bollinger? Jermaine Wiggins (FROM? EAST BOSTON!)? Former UCF star Doug Gabriel? One general manager for four teams? A player named John David Washington, who has a father you may have heard of. His name is Denzel. Oh, it all slays me!

Plus, the league’s four head coaches include Jim “The Gambler” Fassel and Dennis Green. And you know that he is who we that he was. Or something to that extent.

There are lots of other reasons to “like” the UFL, like TV access inside the locker room at halftime, no tuck or intentional grounding rule (which is stupid) and allowed group touchdown celebrations. But for me, it’s mostly about the players. They just create a wonderful montage of memories of the times when you stared at the TV, watching the day’s NFL news and exclaiming: “He did WHAT?! What an idiot!!”

The football won’t be any good and it’ll be missing the XFL amenities of stripper cheerleaders and sideline jacuzzis, so in a sport that is monopolized by the NFL in the US, this league is destined to fail within a couple of seasons at most. But until then, I want to imagine the possibilities of Tatum Bell and Odell Thurman playing on the same team.

  1. October 9, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    Hey remember when Quinn Gray was backing up Leftwich and Garrard?

    Now he could be starting. I cannot be bothered to see the Sentinels’ depth chart, but it has to be a toss-up between him and Ingle Martin.

    I’d call it a progressive move.

  2. spokes310
    October 9, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    Hey remember how Mike McMahon played quarterback like a decapitated chicken? That little sucker just kept running around with no sense of direction. It should at least make this California team fun(ny) to watch.

    And even in the UFL, California can get a team but not in Los Angeles.

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