Home > Uncategorized > Running Off At The Electronic Mouth, No. VI

Running Off At The Electronic Mouth, No. VI

Ugh. The game's been over for only five hours and I can't take any more

In the early morning after the BCS Championship game, that’s the last thing I want to talk about. Everybody will have their say. Mine is no different (Why not just take a knee before halftime; Texas would have had a great chance to win with McCoy; Saban coached rather mindlessly, Garrett Gilbert has potential).

So here are some other topics that I wanted to bring up.

First off, HOLY SH!T!!!!

This has nothing to do with sports, but has everyone seen this? No, it’s not Arenas versus Crittenton. Some guy just leaving the courthouse catches this drama with his cell phone. It’s probably the most compelling video we’ll see all year. But though all the shots you hear, I don’t understand how only the gunman and one other person died in all of that. It’s obviously distressing that death was the result of someone being upset with their social security, but this reminds me of a cheap 1980s action flick. Fifty gunshots and hardly anyone gets hit. The only thing missing was the “peh-TWING” sound effect as the errant bullets ricocheted around the lobby.

The Pac-9 basketball tournament

As if the potential of this year’s Pac-10 basketball tournament couldn’t be any worse, it won’t contain the defending champion and arguably the conference’s best team, USC. I’m still going to the tourney for a second year — if only because Thursday’s four-game slate means 10 hours of drinking college basketball. But my question here is: Why does USC always get caught? Reggie Bush, Joe McKnight, Dwayne Jarrett, O.J. Mayo. It seems as if the school has some athlete under investigation for an NCAA violation every year. And let’s not act naïve here. This kind of stuff happens everywhere. At many high-profile schools, athletes are given gifts and money and “favors” in return for their word to compete athletically at a university. But those universities apparently know how to cover it up. Is USC just too dumb? Is Will Ferrell the director of athletics? Or do we just hear about these violations so often because it is USC? Just wonderin’.

Rory Markas dies

Los Angeles Angels play-by-play announcer Rory Markas unexpectedly died Tuesday. He was just 54 years old. I was not a huge fan of his, but he was certainly a respected broadcaster. Again, I have a sense that I am acting as if I don’t care about a situation in which a person died, but this really leaves the Angels’ broadcast team in a bind. The Angels fired TV men Steve Physioc and Rex Hudler in November. They had their TV and radio booths all set up. Now, who will replace Markas?  I despised both Hudler and Physioc. As I’ve said before, they were a disgrace as baseball broadcasters in the same town with Vin Scully. But I actually wouldn’t mind having Hudler back. I think I hated his calls so much, I couldn’t wait to hear what idiotic thing he would say next. Sure, bring him back. It’s pleasure through pain. But alas, the Angels need a play-by-play man, not a color analyst. That third link lists about 15 possible candidates. Some of them make absolutely no sense. Ian Eagle? Matt Vasgersian?? ROGER F’N LODGE?????? Get outta here.

Won’t somebody please think about the horses??

I watched polo for the first time tonight. Like, the guys on horseback with croquet sticks. It was rather entertaining, but I have to wonder why more of a fuss isn’t made about the safety of those horses. I know (understatement alert) America doesn’t care about polo as much as it cares about horse racing. But in polo, you’ve basically got horses playing a full-speed, contact sport. Is there anyone anywhere campaigning for the horse’s safety on the field? Off the field, well, mistakes are made apparently. And while I am on my PETA rant, I thought this was pretty funny, considering the times. Gilbert Arenas would never condone killing an animal for its fur. But you can bet that he stays strapped if you

He's an upgrade, but certainly not the answer

dodge a gambling bet.

Two things I love to hate, finally together

Looks like I have another reason to root against Adrian Beltre. He is one of my favorite players to root against because it was so obvious that his 2004 season was a selfish dash for cash, but the Mariners still overpaid him handsomely (five years, $64 million). $10 million is a bit much, but the Red Sox were smart to make this just a one-year deal with an option. They could just be waiting for a better option next season — albeit there isn’t much. Beltre certainly gives the Red Sox more defense at third, but when you are facing the Yankees and the Rays for about one-quarter of your schedule, there aren’t going to be a lot of low-scoring pitchers duels in there. The Red Sox will need to score a lot of runs and I just don’t see that in their lineup right now. They are looking really vulnerable. Same goes for another consistent AL contender, the Angels.

ESPN 3-Dumb

And I thought this 3-D re-birth in movie theaters. Now ESPN is going 3-D. People, … seriously. You can’t possibly be excited about this. Why would you want to sit in your home with $200 glasses and watch a game in 3-D when you could actually be at the game — IN THE SAME DIMENSION! — for $25-5o? This sounds like a venture destined to fail miserably. And remember when “Dodgeball” made a joke about ESPN’s quantity of networks with ESPN 8: The Ocho? ESPN now owns or operates more than 2o channels. I love most of them, especially ESPN Australia. But 3-D sounds foolish.

Almost as expensive as season tickets

I am looking forward to the NFL playoffs, but damn, I am happy the regular season is over. Spending seven hours at a sports bar every Sunday, stressing about your fantasy team and trying to catch every play of every game for 17 consecutive weeks is actually exhausting. And a quite devastating blow to the wallet. Next season, I’m getting DirecTV. If I’m not doing anything, I’ll be turning on the NFL Game Mix channel and doing this all day.

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  1. Frank Ladolcetta
    January 8, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Yo! I am commenting on your review of ESPN 3D. I absolutely love the 3D in the theaters, and i do feel that is a bit silly for the really expensive glasses but would it be freaking awesome to see Tim Tebow play for the browns and get to see his bible verse in 3d???? Hell yea it would! I’m cheap and i think the idea for 3D for sports and tv is amazing. Plus you said that you can pay 25-50 for a sports game? Maybe if your watching the marlins from the fish tank, every other sport (except maybe baseball, and some college sports) the cheapo seats are super expensive (dolfins 80 bucks for far seats). Anyways 3D espn sounds awesome.

    PS BRIAN IS THE MAN!!!!

    • spokes310
      January 8, 2010 at 7:58 pm

      Hey, man. Thanks for reading!

      First of all, you can get incredible seats at Dodger Stadium (second deck, unobstructed view) for about $18 per. It’s awesome. So, at least out here at one venue, It’s worth it to actually get some fresh air and see some live 3-D instead of in your house.
      Maybe I am missing something at the theaters. The 3-D effect doesn’t get me. I don’t see it. People rave about it. I am apparently incapable of seeing it. So, I am down on it. But this 3-D in your house just sounds like a stupid gimmick. It’s like clear Pepsi. We’ll all try it just to see how it goes. I’ll want to see it. But it will ultimately fail. It’ll be fun to check out, but at the base, I just want to watch some football. I just want to chill and watch a game. And I don’t want to wear any stupid glasses to do so. Do we really need George O’Leary popping out of the screen with his scowl? That’s just downright scary. If we add in a 3-D aspect, people are going to lose touch with what is actually going on in the game and just start concentrating on how weird everything looks. Just watch ESPN on shrooms. It’ll basically be the same visual experience. Plus, shrooms are cheaper.

      See you kids in May!!!

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