Home > Uncategorized > Tiger Woods Says ‘God Dammit’; Pitchfork Mob Assembles

Tiger Woods Says ‘God Dammit’; Pitchfork Mob Assembles

Tiger Woods apologized again on Saturday. Once again, he lied to the public and set a bad example for his younger fans.

The crime is almost too difficult for me to type. An offense so ghastly, he should be forever ashamed. It makes fathers’ eyes pop open and mothers cover their children’s virgin years.

Yes, Tiger Woods has really done himself in this time. For on Saturday, he said “God dammit.” While playing golf! AND AT THE MASTERS! Oh, Grandpa! Hold on to your sweet tea!

If you need some time to catch your breath and perhaps vomit, I understand.

Muddy fudgesicles!

People called the display pathetic. I tuned in to CBS’ Masters coverage shortly after it happened and when I heard some of the commentators blabbing about how Tiger lost control of his emotions, I thought he must have dropped an F-bomb on the course. A couple of holes later, Tiger said “dammit” after one of his shots and one of the announcers quickly chimed in, “Tiger, letting his emotions get the best of him again.”

Dammit? God dammit? Words you learn by the time you are 7 years old count as a rant these days? I guess so when you’re Tiger Woods. I know Tiger said on Monday that he would try to show more respect for the game of golf and keep his verbal outbursts to a minimum, but I’m not sure what people were expecting. Tiger is not only the most competitive golfer, he is one of the most competitive athletes in all of sports. Woods’ inner drive is one reason why he is the sport’s greatest today. This week, he is playing in golf’s premier tournament with a massive chip on his shoulder. There is probably no event that he wants to win more this year than the Masters.

So he hits an errant shot and lets out a G– (dangit). If anything, those at home with small children watching got lucky. The pre-car accident Tiger surely would have unleashed a “Fuck!” or maybe an “Oh, shit!” down through No. 6.

Tiger probably restrained his words the best he could on Saturday and when asked about it after the round, he still had to say, “I’m sorry.” No apology was neccessary. I’m positive that at least 40 other golfers said something to that level or worse during the third round. If there is anyone who should need to apologize, it’s those in the production truck for CBS. Put a God damn seven-second drop on your television coverage, dammit! You suck!

And kids, if you want to see Tiger say some actually naughty stuff, go type “Tiger text messages” into Google. Much like how he asked Joslyn James, you’ll be asking your parents, “Have you ever had a golden shower done to you?”

My wish? Tiger captures the Masters at No. 18 Sunday. He puts on the green jacket, grabs the mic and exclaims, “You know, this jacket feels daaaaaaaaaaaamn good! God damn good!

Postscript: Overall, the whole display was pretty funny. You’ve got to love Tiger telling himself in third-person form that he sucks with extra emphasis on the ‘S’. It’s exactly what I say when I hit a bad drive — “Tiger Woods, you SSSSSSSSSUCK.”

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