Home > Uncategorized > “This Contest Is Over! Give [Carl Crawford] The $10,000!”

“This Contest Is Over! Give [Carl Crawford] The $10,000!”

“Carl Crawford left game in first inning after getting hit with ball on pickoff throw.”

I saw that Tuesday on the ESPN BottomLine. And I laughed.

I had high expectations. Then I saw this.

With my expectations nicely met, I fell to the floor, full of giddy.

And then immediately thought of this.

Seriously, is there anything more comical than seeing a man get hit in the groin with a ball? When people disagree with you, you get angry. When you spend days in a sensory deprivation chamber, you get depressed. When a man’s balls have a forceful introduction with a related yet foreign intruder, you get the giggles.

Well, not before crunching up your entire face and start rubbing yourself in the damaged area. When one man gets hit in the privates, we all feel it.

What tremendous precision by Jake Arrieta! It was probably his best job locating a throw all night. He gave up five runs and four walks in 5.1 innings. He also threw a wild pitch, but he was right on the money to Crawford’s junk from about 60 feet away. In that sense, I agree with Crawford’s continued refusal to wear a protective cup. It might limit his agility and what are the odds that something like this happens again? And let’s face it: If this does happen again, Crawford will probably be forced out of the majors and have to join the National Fastpitch Softball Association.

But I don’t agree with this statement from Carl: “He couldn’t have hit it in a better spot.”

Better spots to get hit with a regulation baseball than your penis include:

Your left temple.

Your right temple.

Your jugular.

Through a couple of ribs and into your heart.

Crawford is now day-to-day with a (gulp) “testicular contusion.” Oh, that must feel lovely.

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  1. Ruzzo
    July 22, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    You’re blogging again!!! I missed you 🙂

    • spokes310
      July 26, 2010 at 10:10 pm

      I could never leave you. But thanks for coming back!!

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