Albert Pujols’ Contract Deadline Comes And Goes Sans Albert Pujols
According to my diamond-encrusted watch that Mr. Pujols is kindly displaying above, it’s noon in the Eastern Time Zone, which means the period for negotiations has expired. Albert Pujols is going rogue!
Although Pujols won’t report to Cardinals camp until Thursday, today at 12 p.m marked his self-imposed (and once-extended) deadline for his people and the Cardinals to come to terms on a nine-figure extension. With that window closed, this means Pujols doesn’t want to listen to any offers until after the season when he’s a free agent.
It also means absolutely nothing.
What happens if Cardinals General Manager John Mozeliak tries to drunk-dial Pujols’ agent, Dan Lozano, on a random day — say June 13 — and belligerently shouts, “FINE! You want 10 years and 300 million dollars or whatever?? Fine, man, you can have it. YOU CAN HAVE IT! Here, we’ll give you 15 percent of the franchise. TAKE IT ALL!! (loud cries leading to soft whimpers) I just want you back, baby.”
To which Jake Westbrook’s agent, who is unfortunately listed right below Lozano in Mozeliak’s speed dial, says, “When can we meet!?”
The point is that the only thing that can stop Pujols from signing his preferred long-term contract during this season is Pujols. If he does get that call on June 13 and if the Cardinals do surrender to his demands, I don’t think he’s going to decline the team’s advances, insisting that he needs to spend time preparing for tomorrow’s matchup against Livan Hernandez in Washington. No, Pujols will find his way back to St. Louis and re-up for a decade without a second thought.
Deadline? What deadline? I’m rich, bitch!
But for now, we are slaves to overreactions and ridiculous rumors because Albert Pujols is this much closer to becoming a free agent. The possibility of Pujols leaving St. Louis has to be discussed until America experiences a giant, collective migraine because we are stuck in the middle of that annual sports void between the Super Bowl and MLB’s opening day. The NBA is in its dog days. The NHL is … playing … games?. NASCAR’s season is in its infancy. The NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament is a month away. The Masters is about two months away. The French Open is about three months away. The World Cup is at least 26 years away.
So Pujols madness will have to carry the news cycle. Bring your sense of reality and a pair of ear plugs.
