Home > Uncategorized > To Not Feel Bad For Louis Murphy, It’s Hard

To Not Feel Bad For Louis Murphy, It’s Hard

The scourge known as Viagra

Obviously, it’s also hard to approach Louis Murphy’s predicament without using some sexual innuendos.

As you have probably heard, the Oakland Raider was pulled over by police early Sunday morning because of some loud music coming from his Cadillac Escalade. First of all, that’s mighty cheap. You know that officer was just fishing for a DUI arrest or something of that stature. It’s the man keeping you down, ya know?

Whatever the case, Murphy didn’t make his situation any smoother when he refused to pull over and didn’t present his ID when ordered. He also resisted arrest. But the spicy bit is that Murphy was charged with drug possession without a valid prescription. The drug was sildenafil citrate — Viagra — and the arresting officer found 11 tablets in an unmarked bottle. Eleven tablets! He must have been attempting to distribute. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s hot with the kids at underground raves.

Murphy — no relation — allegedly told police that he removed the label “because he did not want his girlfriend to know he had a prescription for it.” Now, unfortunately for Murphy, everyone who has access to the Internet knows he had a prescription for it. But hey, how popular is that medium anyway, right? I know I still get my information through telegraph.

Seriously, this is an embarrassing airing of Murphy’s private life. He will be constantly reminded of this incident by heckling fans. I’m sure he will be the subject of many jokes inside locker rooms inhabited by athletes who are supposedly the manliest of men. It’s probably worse than anything rival fans had on George Brett. And there was a lot of meat on that bone.

Ack! Sorry.

I do feel bad for Murphy because he’s going to get riffed on all the time next season for something that shouldn’t be a big deal. But his comeback should be pretty simple:

“At least I’m making sure I get my girl to where she needs to be. What are you doing, bitch?”

It’s always good to counter personal insults with more personal insults, kids. Meanwhile, the lengthy line of virile Murphy men continues to thrive.

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