Home > Uncategorized > Presenting the 857,224th edition of 2016 NFL Wild Card playoff predictions on the Internet

Presenting the 857,224th edition of 2016 NFL Wild Card playoff predictions on the Internet

Because why try something original when you can play it safe and copy everyone else, right?

Let’s go through this weekend’s games and see what I think. Even I don’t know.


Chiefs @ Texans

The Chiefs won this matchup, 27-20, back in Week 1. As if that means something, because it totally does not. Kansas City’s last loss came before the World Series. Both of these squads have strong defenses, but the Texans don’t have the personnel, especially in their backfield, to outscore a Chiefs offense that has been steamrolling opponents without Jamaal Charles; they’ve held a 14-point average margin of victory during their 10-game winning streak. That train doesn’t stop here. Chiefs win, 24-17.

Steelers @ Bengals 

I think this is the toughest call of the weekend. The absence of DeAngelo Williams is a bigger deal than perhaps most people realize; who knows what Pittsburgh will get out of Fitz Toussaint or Jordan Todman? And the Bengals have the corners — and the defense overall — to trouble a one-dimensional attack. However, a seemingly indomitable Antonio Brown, a now-motivated Martavis Bryant and a blossoming Markus Wheaton are a very, very tall order for any D. Ben Roethlisberger has shredded the Bengals at their place in recent meetings, and I think he will do it again. He has to if the Steelers have any shot. A.J McCarron, like Andy Dalton, can’t give Cincinnati its first playoff victory since 1990. Steelers win, 26-21. 


I’ll probably ditch the Seahawks-Vikings game Sunday to go watch Leo’s latest plea for an Oscar.


Seahawks @ Vikings

It’s Oscar season, and I am way behind on my cinema. So I’ll most likely sacrifice watching this game to go to the movies. What Seattle’s passing game has done without Jimmy Graham and Marshawn Lynch* (and WITH Doug Baldwin) is captivating. But this one could turn unwatchable quickly. The only entertainment in the second half may come via NBC’s cameras scouring the crowd to give us shots of drunk dudes going shirtless with the wind chill at minus-20. The deep freeze will probably modify the scoring a little bit. Seahawks win, 23-10. 

*While typing this up, I found out that Lynch won’t be available for this game. A surprise for sure, but not one that should change anyone’s opinion on this game. Lynch didn’t play when the Seahawks went up to Minnesota just a month ago and demolished the Vikings, 38-7.

Packers @ Redskins 

I’m sure that I am setting myself up for failure here because it’s unlikely that visiting teams will go 4-0 this weekend. But I just can’t. I mean … Kirk Cousins over Aaron Rodgers?? I just … no, I can’t. I’ve seen the play of both men and their teams of late, but it feels wrong.  It sends a cold shiver down my spine. For all of the problems that Green Bay has along its offensive line, with its running backs and receivers, in its defensive secondary without Sam Shields, I just can’t. For no reason other than Aaron freaking Rodgers. My least confident pick of this round. Packers win, 16-14.

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